Monday, May 28, 2007


My mother was married three times--all happy marriages she liked to say. The title of this post are her initials that are now on her car that I drive. I get lots of stares and the other day someone actually rolled down their window next to me in the car and could hardly stand it that they didn't know what my licence plate meant. When I explain, they don't quite know what to say, to be sad she had so many marriages or be happy she was proud of the fact. Anyway, I came from the middle marriage, the longest and of course the most important one for me. I was always sad not to have another sibling. My parents said they tried to have more children but no more came. Just a few months ago I was sitting in church watching two young sisters, only years apart, laughing and giggling and whispering in each others ears. I started to cry. Well, that came out of nowhere and I was surprised at my deep feelings of missing someone my age and parentage to share secrets and giggles with. I was envious of their closeness in age and genetics. I have never spent much time dwelling on this fact but it does pop out once in awhile and catches me off guard. I am blessed with sisters and brothers that I love with no thought of parentage. I miss my mother. She died last year and I wish she could be here to see her flirt with Ann's Brendon. Although I know she was a part of their union I selfishly want to see it myself. I am a visual person. I would really like to see her again and know she is happy and her legs are not swollen and her knees don't hurt and she has that perfect body she always wanted.
I worry that seeing is believing. I worry about that alot. I feel her spirit often but I am too much like Thomas. I need to repent I know but for right now my eyes yearn for a vision that might never come.


Jordan said...

You have me all welled-up with a stone in my throat. Your family is so complicated, I can understand all sorts of "come-and-go" emotions popping up. I love and smile at the idea of Grandma finally having the body she always wanted and, I think, was meant for!!

Katy said...

No swollen ankles and those pointy toed high-heels to her heart's content! I was missing grandma, remembering her singing "Hang Up Baby's Stocking" to Divine as an infant. She left a great legacy--we look forward to the Ultimate Family Reunion, don't we?